snooze

He had everything I wanted. A smile that could turn a day around, a curious mind with insatiable wonder, a heart strong enough to cry. He had buyoncy when he found himself on a part of the river unfamiliar. He found peace in the familiarity within all experience. A mind so at ease that balance seemed like a natural state. Although, I've seen him near me, he never stayed. He moved only with intention through space I've never been as well as the space I live in. He was the type that was fascinated by gravity, light and matter but couldn't tell you the formula to calculate truths found deep within each facet. He had his truth though. There was one aspect of him I didn't understand. He would, unforgivingly, thrust his vunerability onto every person he came across. A balance of charm and empathy made his love undeniable.

I envied that.

How could I fathom the wants of others when the mirror felt like staring into the sun? My blemishes are sunspots. I lay in bed, unable to drift as my mind floats from one regret to the next. "I should have said this" or "I should have done that," words that ring endlessly, like tinnitus, into the black of night but never seem to reach the ears past Dawn. As my eyelids begin to soften, a glimmer of light from seemingly tangible dreams comes to the foreground when suddenly disrupted by reminders of reality's coming. I do what I normally do when faced with the harsh reality of the truth, I hit the snooze button.